As i lay in my bed, i find it tonight is very difficult. I have lost a good friend of mine that i knew in high school, someone that lives just down the road from me, someone that inspired not only me but many people. He was the type of person that was always happy always full of life. he was wonderful. But he is gone, i look at pictures and i think why him? Why does he have to leave? He was such a wonderful person, why is it god always takes the good people, and we have millions of evil people in prision still getting to live, and its not fair. I cant sleep, i feel like crying, ihavent ate right since he passed away.. .i am a mess.. and i dont know what to do. We lost touch we werent close anymore, but it still is impacting me very hard.   I fell like i shouldnt be allowed to be this upset when iw asnt as close to him as other people were but i cant help it, its really hurting me, and i dont know waht to do anymore. I miss him dearly, i wish was able to tell him that, tell him how much he impacted my life, what an inspriation he was, that i love him and he was an amazing friend.

Vince, you will never be forgotten, you are an amazing person and i know you are looking down at all of us, trying to tell us to get happy and not be so upset.. i love you hunny and i miss you dearly, you will always be in my heart, and i will never forget you i promise. I know ill see you again! I love you and i hope you are looking down on me... R.I.P Vince!!!

I cant type anymore...

So, as i lay in bed its almost three, and I cant sleep. I looked at old entries from an site, and they make me laugh. I had these writtings of "i love him" and then two weeks later i had an entry saying " i broke up with him cuz i liked another guy"! I never knew i was so retarded and I never thought I would be so mean lol! It is really amazing to look back at the little things like that and see how much I have changed. To see how much my feelings have changed in different ideas. How much I have grown up in only four years. It is crazy! I never knew how much I would accomplish in life, and I never thought I would get through so much as i have. The most important thing, is i never knew one of my "dreams" would come true. Relationships in the past were never a strong point in my personality, or anything about me. I always seem to be liking different guys and I never was very good at being commineted. It was hard for me, I couldnt trust, and I just wanted to be idependent. Well, now I still like my indepenence and I dont like people telling me what to do. I still have trust issues, but not as bad as I once did. I never thought I would find true love, I always thought I was too ugly, too fat, too annoying, to indepenent to have the luckness of having a significant other. Well, to my knownledge that changed! I always seemed to like the guys older then me, and I always went for the guys.. WAY OUt of my league. I still remember freshman year, i still remember looking at this guy, thinking he is really hot, but he is very different, and all of a sudden... he was my "crush".. stupid i know.. I barely knew him, and then one of his friends started to give me attention and then I said bye hot guy, hello annoying one, which i always did.. .lol (annoying one grew up- incase he still has this thing lol) And then one day, i get an im from my old "freshman crush i had". I couldnt believe he still remembered me, and it was all due to an away message. He said "you cant take me to the movies too" The next day, him and i met up and went and saw Nacho Libre.. (HORRIBLE MOVIE) but an amazing corny time.. lol! A month later we dated, and that was shortly stopped, and I was crushed. In this month time, I really got to know this guy, and i really knew he wasnt like all the assholes i dated in my past, he cared and he still was hot lol! But he had a really deep heart that really cared about everyone and wanted to do the best. Well, I went off to College and put that relationship behind me! Well Halfway almost to the end of freshman year, i get a text out of no where, from my "freshman crush" and I am told now "he missed me lol" I was very careful about this whole lets talk again, but I did it, because I knew that there was something about him i really liked, and I knew he wasnt a bad guy. I cant believe that my freshman crush is a guy that I want to marry. I cant believe we have made it so far, I cant believe that I can be myself and I can tell him my dreams and I can cry on his shoulder. This past weekend he really opened my eyes about how much he cares about me. Looking at my "dream ring" and actually being able to try it on and see his face was amazing, because it wasnt my dream anymore, it was OUR dream. Its OUR dream to get engaged and married, its OUR dream to have OUR place, and to have a dog0- ok maybe the dog one is mine lol! But just trying on that ring and seeing his face made everything else fall in the place. I really cant believe how supportive he is of my dreams.. my crazy ass dreams that I know he probably wants to be like, you are nuts why do you always go for expensive things. I dont know, and I know and realize I would never want to force anything on him like that. The rings I have tried on, makes me so happy, even if they are ugly, because I know we are a place were we are ready for our future, and we both are going to take the steps together, his hand holding my hand, and smiling and laughing all the way. I never though he would be my perfect guy, i never though larry would go from, i wonder if hes a good kisser - in freshman year.. to "i wonder when and where he would ask me to be his>- i know i have a while, and its ok. I am the luckiest girl, and when people tell me that, for many other reasons, I know i am now, because I have the best most loving guy, and I wouldnt be me without him. I know more and more I am me because of my wonderful family, and my wonderful boyfriend. I love him more the words will be ever to express. He is my life! I hate being apart from him on the weekdays, and I long for the weekends! I love you larry delgado, I am so lucky to have you in my life!

<3 Always, Michelle!

So, as I am in laying in bed... the time seems to slowly tick away. I wonder why I cant sleep.. I am not stressed, I am not worried about anything, nothing "big" is on my mind, but yet I cant sleep. I have began to realize this is a daily occurence when I leave the weekend at larrys and come home. I am starting to believe that he is what sooths me, he is my other half that i need to know that he is there. Because the nights that I am not with him, are very hard to fall asleep. I cant imagine myself ever having this problem. but now i do and it in a way sucks! I love him to death but i just wish i could go to sleep at a normal damn time.. but nope, i cant! Again, going to be tired tomorrow when doing homework.. I swear love does some crazy stuff to you... I cant wait till him and I will move in, i know its going to be a while now, and a while of not getting the greatest sleep but when we finally m,ove in with each other, i better get some better sleep! Thats all

I LOVE U LARRY